Jameson Brooks

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you love me, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

~author unknown 

(This really does speak of my heart.  Talking of him and knowing you still think of him and sharing that with me is balm to my soul because memories are all I have left of my sweet boy.)

"Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs."

~ Matthew 19:14

   (The heart charm is Jameson's.  The star being held in God's arm.  Pam gave it to me and is being worn close to my heart today.)

    Friday, September 7, 2012, sweet little Jameson, today is your first birthday.  Happy Birthday little man!  I have had thoughts of you too many times to count this past year and miss you as much as the day you left this Earth.  So many memories are tied to you and remind me of you.  I can recall so many times my heart cried at the sight of a new little baby boy and how my arms long to hold you still.  Up until a few months ago I couldn't even hold another baby boy because I only wanted it to be you.  Thoughts and situations were literally suffocating for me at times.  But I have come to peace knowing my heavenly Father is holding you and taking care of you better than I ever could and quite amazingly does love you even more than I do, and that's vast in size, believe me. (smiles)  I know you are in the most wondrous place, whole and living the life we all are striving for this side of Earth.  I hope you are looking down from time to time at your family seeing how we are moving forward with your memory and doing well by God's grace and strength.  Don't ever doubt that we miss you like crazy and love you so dearly either;  because both are so true of you sweet boy.  Your other brother or sister also joined you in heaven this year and I know you are showing them the ropes and taking them under your wing to wait for us to join you one day.  Send our love to them as well.

    Oh Jameson, a year of so many firsts without you...very difficult in many ways.  I still long for you and Sierra to be playing together and learning to love each other; your Daddy and I getting to enjoy the experience of those first moments with you, but instead I am choosing to keep my eyes on God and trust Him.  I do not know His plans or ways for us, but I know He loves us as much as He loves you, so we trust Him.  I am learning to make beauty out of the ashes.  I cannot change what happened but I can choose to use it for God's glory and I am trying to do that, to honor your precious memory and to be a mama you can be proud of.

    As Philippians 3 says, 
"He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him."

    Today your Daddy, sister Sierra, and myself went to the bookstore and bought a birthday present for you.  The first Curious George Book to donate to a library in your memory.  We picked Curious George because its your big sis' favorite right now and we know you'd be loving whatever she loves so we thought it was appropriate.  

    We also had a cupcake in memory of your birthday.  Sierra called out her "Happy Cupcake" for Happy Birthday, just for you. (smiles)  My precious boy, we love you soo much, so very much!  It's hard to know how to remember in a day like today, but know we did all of this because we love you and want you to see and know that too.

 

I'll end with another quote I found that says the words of my heart...

"Gone yet not forgotten,
although we are apart,
your spirit lives within me,
forever in my heart."

Jameson, know how much your Daddy and Mommy love you and miss you still today.