February 26th will always hold a meaningful place in my heart
because it will always be the day my baby boy, Jameson Brooks, would
have been joining the world to be a part of our family. It is hard to
put into words all that my heart has gone through these past months. I
am thankful for a loving God who has given me the extra strength and
grace to move through this season. I look towards the future and pray
now to only see the "Beauty" that God has made and is going to continue
to make through the "Ashes" of losing Jameson. I thought to remember
our sweet boy today I would share with all of you the letter I wrote
back in December to him through the encouragement of my counselor. It
was one the hardest things I had to do after losing him but it brought
some good closure with is as well.
December 29, 2011
My precious boy Jameson,
This letter will never do the justice to you or the love that I have
for you. I struggle to write this to you because I still long to hold
you in my arms. You should be joining our family in less than two
months and instead you have been gone for three and a half months. I
know you are in the place we all long for one day, in perfect peace with
our loving heavenly Father, but I selfishly still wish you were here
with me, feeling you kick and grow in my belly.
I know you
are whole and beautifully perfect in every way. I picture you to have
blond hair and blue eyes and a smile that lights up your entire face
like your big sister Sierra. You two would have been the best of
friends, only 23 months apart in age. You would have been fun loving
and busy, just like she is. My heart is saddened that you'll never meet
each other this side of heaven. I have a brother that is close in age
like you two would have been and I wish you two could experience what we
did. But I have to trust God and know He is in control.
Your Daddy knew you were a boy from the day we knew you were coming. He
got to pick your name and was calling you Jameson before you ever came
and was excited for your arrival.
Jameson, I love you so
much and always will. You will always be my second born, my first son.
My arms will always long to hold you, to touch your sweet face, to give
you kisses and make you smile. I pray regularly that God shows you and
reminds you just how much I love you.
My heart, your
Mommy's heart, is forever connected to your my precious son, Jameson
Brooks, until we meet again in heaven. I love you and miss you.
Your Mommy
Oh Mariah, you are so right - this letter is so beautiful and poignant; it brought me to tears as I read it and now write this note to you. I love your heart and the love you have for your children, my grandbabies. It's a heart that God intended for mothers to have for their children-HE created this immense love within us for our babies. May God grant you and Jonathan peace and comfort today, and bless you immensely in the days ahead. Love always, Pam
ReplyDeleteDear Mariah,
ReplyDeleteI will never ever forget the wee hours when you went through such a hard hard labor with so much pain and sorrow only to lose little Jameson Brooks....broke my heart. Even during labor your concern was for your child. Poor Jonathan was alone in a hotel in a new city. I miss that we will not get to know Jameson, but find much peace in knowing he is with our Savior. In the meantime, we are all enjoying precious Sierra!! Love to all, Mom
Thanks Mom xoxo
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